Mommy Talk: Kids say the most embarrassing things
Most moms have totally been there: You’re at the grocery store/bank/playground/school yard/church/mall with your kids in tow. Everything is fine, save for a few given whines, and then it happens. There are tears. Followed by sobs. Followed by screams. Followed by a Full. On. Meltdown.
Calling your child’s public tantrum an embarrassment hardly seems to suffice, but at least you can take solace in the fact that you are not alone.
We asked moms to share some of their children’s most humiliating displays outside the home, which, thankfully, they have (well, mostly, anyway) now learned to laugh about. And if they’re not quite at the giggle stage yet, at least they know they can now torture their kids with these stories again and again for years to come.
And, if nothing else, we won’t judge if you should choose to use these examples to score a really fabulous Mother’s Day gift. Just sayin’.
- “My son screamed repeatedly, ‘Please don’t hit me when we get to the car,’ as I fled in shame from Lincoln’s grave, where he had ducked under the rope and tackled the president’s tomb.” — Kirsten, Coal Valley, Ill.
- “Once, when my son was around 5, I passed the wine and beer aisle at the grocery store, and he yelled (his voice carrying), ‘Mom, why aren’t you stopping? You ALWAYS get beer when we come here.’ And I slunk off.” — Maria, Kansas City
- “A long time ago, I was cleaning out my daughter’s backpack over the weekend and found my underwear in her backpack. When I asked her why my underwear were in there, she said, ‘We’re studying the letter U and we had to bring three things that started with that letter.’ I asked her why in the world would she take my underwear instead of hers, and she replied, ‘Well, I didn’t want everyone to see MY underwear!'” — Mary Beth, Iowa City, Iowa
- “I found my daughter licking and sucking on the door handle at the gym’s front door.” — Harmony, Denver
- “My husband is a tax attorney/CPA. Every year during tax season he works 24/7, especially as the April 15 deadline approaches. Since we live an hour away from his office, during that time I usually book him a hotel room a block away from his office so he can cram in a little sleep. Anyway, my husband calls seconds before I am running the kids to a birthday party and asked if we could do a sleepover because he was missing everyone, so, I quickly threw a few things in a bag. While we were at the party, filled with all of these moms, my oldest says to everyone, ‘I am so excited to go to the city and see my daddy because he now lives in a hotel.’ I almost dropped dead on the spot as everyone turned to me with a look of shock!” — Ilyssa, New York City
- “At the age of 5, my lovely daughter and I were in line with a huge crowd of people when she started whining about God knows what. I quietly said to her, ‘With an attitude like that, it’s going to be hard to make friends.’ Her obnoxiously loud reply to me: ‘Well, Mom, with an attitude like that, it’s going to be pretty hard for you to find a husband.’ Let’s just say we weren’t standing in that line anymore after her little comment.” — KC, Denver
- “My son peed in his pants while I was voting during the last election. Puddles of pee on the floor outside the voting booth. Awesome.” — Evelyn, Chicago
- “My daughter took all of my bills to her preschool for show and tell when she was 4,” Kate, Boulder, Colo.
- “My son announced very proudly to the head coach of the Iowa Hawkeye football team that ‘My Mommy hearts you and Starbucks.’ You could have heard the record stop. I wanted to die.” — Jen, Iowa City, Iowa
- “We were at an IMAX media premier of Speed, where Mario Andretti was the guest. It was a packed house and the huge screen backdrop had the big IMAX logo. Anyway, Mario stood up to address the audience and my 3-year-old son named Max saw the logo and yelled, ‘That’s my name!’ Everyone laughed — and so did Mario Andretti.” — Shelley, Denver